We cant open our heart to recieve and at the same time keep it shut to hide parts of ourselves.
Never hold in and hide your pain.
Pain and struggeling does not make you unworthy.
No matter how much you think you fucked up and how much space you take up with your big wavy ocean of emotions, you are still lovable.
You might be too much for some (the ones that cant embrace their own depths).
But that doesnt mean you are too much.
It means they are scared of the mirror you are to them. Or they feel your pain is their responsability so they run.
Again, their issues. Not something you should take on as a sign that you should adjust yourself so they can feel better.
Just because you share with others the dark and depressive sides of yourself, does not make you a lowlife person or a needy victim trying to manipulate others into saving you.
I personally needed to learn to seperate
these things, as I had extreme victim programming installed for years before I re-programmed myself layer by layer incorporating vulnerability instead.
Victimhood still visits almost every time I go deeper in my lessons – and every time, I see another layer of responsability I need to take home.
A person with victim-programming expects their problems to be other people’s problems. Blaming, projecting.
A victim expect others to save them fully – everyday allday. No responsability.
A victim takes upon them this role because he/she does not know how to ask for their needs to be met. Because they do not feel worthy of having needs!
All because of programming… an ego believing this is the way to survive and get love). So important not to judge any behavior, as it’s always coming from an attempt to get love.
Reaching out because you feel the human need for a shoulder to lean on, does not make you a victim.
It makes you couragous and vulnerable.
Two very important ingrediens to a happy life.
When you box all of your heavy feelings in, you box in all of yourself !
Maybe you were the ‘too much person’ – too inappropriate, too honest, too loud, too many needs and just overall too difficult.
So you stopped letting people in nor did you let yourself out. Because If you did you’d just be a burdon an perhaps experience being belittled.
However one can be in their power/truth AND be vulnerable and feel like shit all at the same time.
When you hide parts of yourself you end up being two different people – one person on the inside and an other person on the outside.
To close the gap and end depression and hardship you must allow yourself to own your feelings and be ‘too much’ and let others deal with their reaction themselves.
Honor your needs.
Let go of the censorship and embrace all of you so everyone can see all of you.
This way you can start actually recieveing love and LIFE ❤️